5 Traits of Successful PJs

Many of my readers have asked me to talk about my experiences and how on earth I managed to go to the Olympics and get into Harvard at 16 and become a Rhodes Scholar. Mainly, they are looking for tips they can apply to their own life. So for the benefit of my faithful readers, I present:

The Five Traits of Successful PJs

1. Luck

I am extremely lucky. This is, admittedly, the hardest trait to acquire. I have a habit of stumbling around and ending up in the right place at the right time. This is the single most important reason for my success. It doesn't require so much effort, planning, or intelligence, just timing.

2. Fatalism

My father died at 59, my grandfather at 61. So by my genes, I figure I've got about the same amount of time. When you know when you're going to die, you make damn well sure that every moment you spend on this earth is worth it, and you try to make sure everything you want to do is going to be done before then.

3. Paranoia

I worry incessantly. I know people are out to get me. I know things are conspiring to screw me over. So I have to work really hard and take into account every single contingency so that I can foil those people who are out to get me.

4. Pessimism

When you expect the worst, and constantly plan for the worst, then you have already planned for things going really badly when they do. However, when they don't, then everything that befalls you is a pleasant surprise, and things also go much better than you expect.

5. Heartbreak

Nothing makes you forget heartbreak like overworking yourself. You throw yourself into your work, devoting all your heart and soul to it so that you have no space for emotions like grief, sorrow, loss, or anger. Plus, productivity soars.

I hope my advice has been useful to all of you! All the best!