True Singaporeans, Part I

What many people may not realise is that what I write here is by no means typically "Singaporean". I've spent too much time living abroad (Australia, US, Europe) to be Singaporean, even if I am still fiercely patriotic and would never consider becoming a citizen anywhere else (hey, I paid 2 and a half years of my life for my passport, I'm damn well keeping it until they pry it out of my cold dead hands!).

So I'm going to spend some time taking a look at other, more typically Singaporean websites. If any of you have any suggestions, please feel free to forward them to me. I'm looking for websites with original writing by Singaporeans living in Singapore which are personal or not well known. Something like talkingcock.com, for example, is already well known and I don't really need to talk about an already well established quantity.

First up is the now-infamous Xiaxue. While her blogspot webblog is down, she is currently blogging at a Singtel-sponsored moblog reality show called "My Dream D8" and has maintained her standards of hilarity and keen insight into the minds of young Singaporean women.

For example, an entry on Valentine's Day begins with several interesting observations on the etiquette of flower-giving and receiving before seguing into a discussion of Singaporean one-upmanship. Decrying her decision to leave her extremely large bouquet of flowers in her car, she soon realises that she looks foolish and forlorn without her bouquet, especially since other women are carrying bouquets smaller than hers. This leads her to an insight into the male psyche:

However, as I was walking around Cineleisure, I realised that I should not have left the bouquet there, coz everyone else seems to prancing around with an adoring male and a teeny weeny bouquet of flowers.

The POINT IS THAT MINE IS BIGGER!!!

Now I know how men with big ******* feel. You wanna shout to the world! "I HAVE A ******* BIG *****!!! YOU SHOULD **** ME AND HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE!" but they can't, coz they can't prove it just like that!! How irritating is that!!

The genius of Xiaxue lies not just in making these typically Singaporean comparisons, but being able to further her conclusions by drawing comparisons with the opposite gender, demonstrating both a broader mind and a unique empathy.

Xiaxue's writing style also has a number of priceless metaphors, for example:

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! I almost laughed my placenta out.

Finally, her creativity is simply astounding. View, for example, her entry mocking the ban on durians in the MRT, followed by her discussion on making punishment fit the crime. She defends her positions using Singaporean paradigms and anecdotes, making them easily accessible to the man in the street.

When I first read her writing, I suspected that it was a parody; it was much too surreal to be true. But no, it is all real, and is off-the-charts on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. Furthermore, her style is unique that she has spawned an actual parody weblog called "We Hate Xiaxue!"

Perhaps that is the height of internet fame: when you arose so much fury from your website that a rival one purely dedicated to your embarassment arises.