The Bridal Registry

How do people choose what to put on their wedding registry?

One of my closest friends is getting married at the end of May (the same day I have two exams- great timing, Sylvan!) and along with the invitation card they sent a link to their registry at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Feel free to go buy them some stuff.

A brief look through the selection of items leaves me perplexed:

1 "Waterproof Queen Mattress Pad". So no one has to ever sleep in the wet spot, I assume...

1 "Oxo Nylon Square Turner". What's a square turner? It... turns squares?

1 "Grater Rotary Oxo". A rotary grater? It rotates while it grates?

1 "Oxo Good Grips Nut/Seafood Cracker". For whenever he misbehaves, I suppose.

1 "Gourmet Roasting Set " and 1 "8-Piece Cake Decorating Set". Good grief, they are ambitious. Traci sure as hell better be doing a lot of roasting and cake decorating! I'm not going to get them a cake decorating set and find that it's collecting dust in the corner. When I go visit, I sure as hell better find plenty of cakes with extravagant checkerboard patterns and three foot high statues made of frosting on top!

3 "Brown Sugar Bears". Apparently, a Brown Sugar Bear helps keep your brown sugar moist up to three months.

1 "KitchenAid® Silicone Grabber". Who amongst us has never felt the need to grab a handful of silicone?

1 "Leonardo Mug/Bttl Brsh". For painting and sculpting?

1 "Progressive 18" x 24" Pastry Mat". As opposed to the pro-life, pro-guns pastry mat.

1 " Jumbo Stainless Steel Spoonrest". Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Why can't they put their spoon down on the table? Or on a plate?

1 "Invit Grddl Dbl Brnr Set". Vanna, I'd like to buy a vowel.

It is rather revealing. Their items fall into two groups: nice stuff for the bed, and nice stuff for the kitchen. It shows their priorities: cooking, and a comfortable bed. Food, sex, sleep: my friends have their priorities right!

So, what will I get? Same thing I do with all my other friends who have gotten married: I'm going to send them a nice card.