Another close friend got married today. I attended the wedding, making this the second wedding I've been to this summer (and the third I've been invited to- I couldn't make one because it was in Singapore while I was here).

I was terribly happy for the couple, and was quivering with excitement as they took their places. However, as the registrar recited the boilerplate, a feeling of dread overtook me: "Marriage is a solemn institution not entered into lightly... rest of your lives... thought about this deeply and honestly... commit yourselves to each other..."

It felt like a sentencing. My friends looked so happy; I was scared stiff. Luckily I recovered but I was curious why I felt so fearful at a happy occasion.

Later I shared my sentiments with another friend who had also just returned from a wedding, of her friend in Germany. She thought for a moment and remarked that I probably was imagining myself in the exact situation in front of me. I understood what she meant: Basically, I could not comprehend how the happy couple felt because I hadn't yet reached the stage where I could commit myself to anyone. I hadn't found anyone I was willing to spend the rest of my life with. Until I did, the whole situation would always be strange and foreign and scary.