Exclusive! Having bought the book less than 12 hours ago and speed-read through it, here are some major spoilers from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

- In a shock move that has the entire Hogwarts buzzing for weeks, Gryffindor sells Harry Potter to rival Slytherin for 25 million galleons (actually, 7 million with the rest being paid in instalments depending on Potter's performance in Quidditch matches). Rumours about the impending move float about for weeks after Harry is hit about the eyebrow by a wand that Professor McGonagall zaps in a fit of pique after a poor loss to Ravenclaw.

- Later, in a match against his old team Gryffindor, Harry Potter seizes the Quidditch but smashes his Nimbus broom while doing so, and cork spills out of the broom handle. Harry protests his innocence, saying that he grabbed the wrong broom by accident- the broom with cork in it he used during warmups to wow the crowd and perform fancy tricks with. Dumbledore suspends Potter for three games (reduced to two on appeal), while Harry suspects that it is Draco Malfoy who deliberately cast a spell so that he would confuse the two broomsticks.

- After Voldemort strikes and blows up the twin towers of Tower Bridge, Dumbledore retaliates by commanding gigantic wizard army and invading Natsinahgfa, a country which has been sheltering Voldemort, and scoring an overwhelming victory. Voldemort flees and is not seen of again for the rest of the book, although he from time to time sends messages via owl exhorting his fellow wizards to rise up and "do nasty things to the oppressor muggles and the infidel wizards who support them, like put itching powder in their pants or whoopee cushions on their seats, heh heh".

- Dumbledore later invades Qari, a country which has nothing to do with Voldemort and successfully driving out the regime there too, claiming that Qari possesses Wands of Mass Destruction and that they are a threat to world peace. Strangely, despite the most advanced magics searching Qari, no Wands of Mass Destruction are found. Readers later learn that Dumbledore invaded Qari because they posessed a great natural reserve of broomstick oil (very valuable), and because Dumbledore suffered from an inferiority complex and needed to prove to his father that he was a great wizard too. That, and he has a small penis.

- Harry does something heroic; Dumbledore says something wise; Snape acts evil but is actually good; Hagrid acts woodsy; Ron does something funny; Hermione shakes her head at Harry/Ron's silly behaviour; Ginny moons over Harry; McGonagall acts sexually repressed (25 years of English public school will do that to you); Draco Malfoy gets envious of Harry and says something nasty; Mr. Weasley gets excited about Muggle technology; Harry's Uncle, Aunt and Cousin act nasty toward him; magic happens; Voldemort threatens the world.

- Harry Potter and Cho Chang go on one date and Potter blows it by being a stupid, tactless teenager who is obsessed with sex. He later gets over his obsession with Cho and ends the book thinking how silly he has been.

Sadly, I didn't make that last one up. I scanned the book in the store at 1230am this morning (I didn't buy it) and that's what I found. The only Asian character in the book and JK Rowling uses her just as the stereotypical exotic Asian girl who is beguiling and alluring but ultimately is mismatched for the Anglo-Saxon boy, whose proper match is his fellow White Anglo-Saxon female. After the promise of the last book, Rowling succeeds in marginalising the only minority character completely and making a fool out of her! Typical! I hope bloody Harry Potter is happy with Hermoine and Ginny Weasley or which every Proper Anglo-Saxon White Female he decides to hook up with, because he lost the opportunity of a LIFETIME with Cho Chang, and Rowling and her discriminatory, white supremist ways can go jump in the sea. DAMN YOU ROWLING!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!! YOUR BOOK CAN KISS MY ASS!!!