Burns Night

"A night of great debauchery."

"There were limbs and alcohol flying everywhere!"

"You've never seen two girls kissing? Here, let me show you" (grabs E. and shoves tongue down her throat)

"Wait, did all three of the girls just squeeze into that tiny toilet?"

"Why's she licking S.'s leg?"

"They're just BREASTS!"

"You're size --? Oh, my ex-girlfriend was the same size, and they are a perfect size."

"There are eighteen men and six women in this room, and three of them are sitting by the fireplace talking to each other."

"We were discussing oral sex technique, thank you very much, and we concluded we each had basically the same technique."

"He started playing his trumpet in the tea room at 2 a.m., with some other random guy who happened to have a trumpet as well and just appeared out of nowhere."

"Dammit, S., you spilt wine on me again!" "I am nowhere near your vincinity. I am on the other side of the room!"

(next morning) "Ouch... did I do that? When? I don't remember..."

Yes. It was a good night.

5 Traits of Successful PJs

Many of my readers have asked me to talk about my experiences and how on earth I managed to go to the Olympics and get into Harvard at 16 and become a Rhodes Scholar. Mainly, they are looking for tips they can apply to their own life. So for the benefit of my faithful readers, I present:

The Five Traits of Successful PJs

1. Luck

I am extremely lucky. This is, admittedly, the hardest trait to acquire. I have a habit of stumbling around and ending up in the right place at the right time. This is the single most important reason for my success. It doesn't require so much effort, planning, or intelligence, just timing.

2. Fatalism

My father died at 59, my grandfather at 61. So by my genes, I figure I've got about the same amount of time. When you know when you're going to die, you make damn well sure that every moment you spend on this earth is worth it, and you try to make sure everything you want to do is going to be done before then.

3. Paranoia

I worry incessantly. I know people are out to get me. I know things are conspiring to screw me over. So I have to work really hard and take into account every single contingency so that I can foil those people who are out to get me.

4. Pessimism

When you expect the worst, and constantly plan for the worst, then you have already planned for things going really badly when they do. However, when they don't, then everything that befalls you is a pleasant surprise, and things also go much better than you expect.

5. Heartbreak

Nothing makes you forget heartbreak like overworking yourself. You throw yourself into your work, devoting all your heart and soul to it so that you have no space for emotions like grief, sorrow, loss, or anger. Plus, productivity soars.

I hope my advice has been useful to all of you! All the best!

Girl With A Pearl Earring

There are two stars of Girl With A Pearl Earring. The first is the mise en scene, as ceated by the cinematography and set design. The second is Scarlett Johansson. They make the movie as interesting as the book (albeit in very different ways, of course). What I was struck by was the parallels that this movie has with Johansson's other recent release, Lost in Translation, which I have raved about in this space. The both involve a younger woman and an older man who share a moment and a connection but not each other. They ask questions of what might have been, and what if, and what might be. They are about understanding and connection. These movies recognise that the greatest intimacy is not physical, but mental and spiritual harmony, when two people are in complete understanding and in complete tune. Words need not be exchanged; looks need not be passed. Such are the greatest of movies: they show us what we have always felt but never been able to articulate about ourselves, and they reveal to us the most profound insights about human nature in the simplest of ways.

We Could've Told You So! "What? There are Sikhs in France?"

- An official at the French Ministry of National Education, which is responsible for negotiating with Parliament the proposed law banning students from wearing religious symbols, when asked to comment about French Sikhs asking for exemption from the law.

Same thing happened in Singapore a few years ago when we banned Muslim girls from wearing the Islamic headscarf, or tudong, in schools, for reasons of racial harmony. Sikhs were allowed to continue wearing their turbans, however, because it is regarded as a British colonial legacy and turbans are not politicised the same way that headscarves have been.

Lost In Translation Revisited

Back in Oxford, back in my routine, and training hard- the swim team is having a training camp, and we're doing three sessions a day. I'm very proud of the men's team- attendance is fantastic. The entire team is here and working hard.

Last night I went to watch Lost In Translation again, with Mindy. She wanted to watch a movie and suggested Mona Lisa Smile, which I shuddered at, and proposed Cold Mountain instead, at which she informed me she hated Nicole Kidman. So we compromised on Lost In Translation, which I have seen three times before and enjoyed very much, but she hadn't seen before.

Have you ever had the feeling where you were completely comfortable, where everything was safe, and you were completely familiar with everything around you? Many people feel that way when they go home, for example (I don't, but that's beside the point). Revisiting Lost In Translation was like revisiting an old friend, one you hadn't seen for a while, but whom you knew so well and were so familiar and comfortable with that you could pick up exactly where you left off. Everything I knew and loved was there, and for about 100 minutes I could lose myself in its little world. I followed Charlotte again as she struggled to find herself, Bob as he fought his disgust with himself, and the two of them as they found each other and bonded over mutual feelings of dislocation and disorientation.

I found that in watching the movie again, my feelings about the movie hadn't changed, but my reaction to it had. Probably it was my changed situation. In Washington, D.C. when I first saw the movie I was adrift and lonely, just as they were, and the movie spoke to me on many different levels. Here in Oxford I am back home and settled and fully occupied with all my work. So there was no longer a sense of immediacy, but rather empathy, a memory of what it was like to be lost and lonely like they were.

Yet of course I knew how the movie ended, so the reassuring thing was that it would all work out in the end. Perhaps that is the most important thing about the movie- the ending. Not a happy ending, but a realistic one, that speaks of hope and the potential for a better future while accepting the realities of the present and the responsibilities of life. It gave me hope for my own future, and looking back on the few months that have past since I first saw the movie, it was right. Things will work out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.